Refresh

Right now I should be working on a lab report due tomorrow, but I can't seem to focus on school work right now when so many amazing things have been happening over the past couple days. Things have been moving at such a fast pace, and while I may not have planned on getting here the way I did, I can't help but just be happy for what is going on in my life. I have this unexplainable joy in me right now, and I'm not sure where it came from, but I don't care, all I know is that God is good.

We started studying Romans for small group this year, and I am in love with the book. I haven't really even fully read the whole thing closely, but there are so many times in the first 8 or 9 chapters that I couldn't help but laugh, because God is just funny sometimes(in an ironic sorta way). I am really excited for our small group; there are so many young guys that have so much potential, I can't wait to see what God is going to do in our group.

And I'm not naive, I know things can't be great all the time, it even says in Romans 7:21(MSG), "It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up." I know that things will get hard. I am going to get stretched. I am going to be asked to sacrifice the little free time I have in order to get lunch with someone, to help someone out, to spend time with God. But for one of the first times in my life, I am feeling a real excitement about God, about what he is going to do with my life, about the relationships I have. I'm in this process of trying to organize my time and my priorities, and I can already tell that I am going to resist this change, it's something I do all the time. But, this time I am not doing it alone. I have God on my side, I have people keeping me in check, I have the responsibility to keep other people in check.

The reason I write this post after failing to write a post for who knows how long, is because I am just excited. I feel refreshed. I am reminded of God's grace, and the fact that I don't have to live in my past sin, that I can move forward, knowing that God is there with me. I haven't been this excited and happy in a while, especially about God. Isn't it amazing that no matter how long we have been running away, He is always there when we come running back, with His arms wide open, just waiting for us, saying "I love you, I don't care what you did, I just want you, and I want your heart"

I love you God, help me to depend on You, and fully trust You.

Balancing Act

So today in class, I think I hit an all time high with stress for me. It was in my computer organization and architecture class, which is one of the hardest classes in my major, and I was sitting there as we were discussing our big project that we got assigned last week. After listening to other students ask questions and talk to the professor about issues they were having with the project, I got very overwhelmed as I realized that I had NO idea what they heck they were talking about. I realized that I didn't prepare well at all, I hadn't read the book like I should've been doing, and that I was in danger of not being able to contribute to my project(we have one partner, thankfully mine is very smart). This is where I need to really trust God with everything going on in my life. We have the Navs key laborers retreat this weekend, and in order for me to be able to go, I had to skip smallgroup tonight, and will probably have to skip large group tomorrow night. I have a test on thursday, and big assignment due on friday, another big assignment due on tuesday(all of this while we should have the majority of our project design finished within a week). 

I don't do well with stress. My solution normally consists of me pushing everything off until the last second, but unfortunately I can't do that with this project(or this quarter). This quarter has been a huge challenge for me. I feel like I haven't had a lot of time for myself. Last quarter it seemed like everyday I would come home from class and just crash for an hour or two, watch some tv, and then maybe start some homework at like 9 or 10. I haven't been able to do that. I can't do that. Now, actually getting work and good studying in has really paid off on my first three midterms, which is great. But I really can't wait till the end of the quarter.

On the other hand, I can wait till the end of the quarter. I don't even know what I'm doing in the spring. I'm supposed to be co-oping, but I haven't had any job interviews yet, and with this economy, I really don't feel confident at the moment. On top of my hardest quarter of my college career, I have that extra stress to deal with. 

Now with all this being said, it's pretty easy to say that my spiritual state hasn't been the greatest. I don't get many moments to myself, and those moments that I do, I am pretty selfish about it, leaving God out of the picture. This isn't something I'm proud of, but I'm just being honest. I don't know what to do. There's just so much to do, in so little time. I hate the fact that I have to skip smallgroup/large group, I really do hate it. I feel like it's my duty as a leader to be at the things going on, because I want to make a difference, but it's just so hard. 

Oh yeah, and another thing I have to cut back on because of school work has been hanging out with my amazing girlfriend. That really sucks. I hate having to say "yeah I can't really see you for the next three days because I have way to much work to do." Spring break can't come soon enough...

I feel like everything is this giant balancing act. I guess that's just life. God, please help me. I need your strength...

I Will Go

I heard this verse in a song by Desperation Band called I Will Go, and it sent chills down my spine. What an amazingly powerfully verse when you read it with excitement. It makes me wonder if maybe I don't get excited about scripture because I just read it as a book, rather than words from God. I want to get excited about the Bible, and have the fire and desire to read it. Honestly, I feel dry and empty spiritually. I think I am going to try this approach and see what happens. 

Isaiah 6:1-8

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another: 
       "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; 
       the whole earth is full of his glory."

 At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

 "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."

 Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."

 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" 
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

worry not

So in the midst of our market slowly but surely going to crap and having to take out more loans for school, yesterday at church we were reminded of a verse that put everything in perspective for me. I have heard this verse probably 30 times before, but now it's literally applying to a situation that I think everyone can relate to.

"So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

It's so easy for us to worry about how we are going to pay off college debt, or whether we will have money there for us when we retire, or whether we will be able to support a family in the future or the job market or so many other things. Well guess what? As long as you put your trust in God for the future, you will be fine. There are so many more things going on today, why worry about what will happen tomorrow? Yes, we should be good stewards of the money that God has provided, and planning can be a great thing. But let's not obsess about it, or make it our sole worry in life. Yes, there will be hard times, I can guarantee you that. But God is always there if you just seek him out. He won't leave you. The times where you feel the most lonely and separated from God, and feel like he completely abandoned you, those are the times when He wants you to reach out to him the most. I don't know whether or not I'm going to have a job right out of school, or how I will pay off school, or pretty much everything else about my future, but when I reach my lowest of low, there isn't a single person on this planet that can help me get through all of it, and I most certainly can't get through it on my own strength.

With all of that being said, I hope and pray that I can seek first His kingdom and His plan before my own desires.

This is probably the most random post I've ever had, considering I have two tests and a lab tomorrow and I just spent 25 minutes typing that out.

Silver Lining

So this post is just some stuff I have been thinking about over the past couple weeks.

It's always interesting to me when we can know and understand something so clearly, but so blatantly ignore it. We can say all we want, we can pretend that we are going to change, but it seems to be a rare thing when we actually change our ways. I've found myself in this constant cycle of realizing something, then ignoring it. It's like I know what I need to do in order for things to be in a better place, yet I let myself fall back into the same patterns/thought processes that make me someone I don't want to be. Why do i do this? I have no idea. When I realize what I need to do, it seems so obvious to me, but how come it is so hard to just do it? I guess I just get frustrated with the fact that I can't stay consistent, and when I feel like God is speaking to me about something, I just end up doing my own thing anyways. Right now I guess I'm in the process of trying to seek what God wants for me in my life, but that's kind of hard when I don't act on what I need to do.

There is this new Relient K song that has been out for a while called "The Lining Is Silver". It's a pretty simple song, not much too it, but I love the chorus. It says, "Isn't it nice to know, that the lining is silver?" I honestly didn't know what the phrase "silver lining" meant, so after doing some research, I found that it is referring to an old proverb that says "every cloud has a silver lining". It basically means that every bad situation has a good side to it, or being optimistic about what can happen. This is kind of an elementary idea, because I think that most people tend to want to make the best out of bad times, but I just love the simplicity of the idea. Yeah, crap happens, but it is nice to know that the lining is silver. That's the beauty of life, you can decide that you are going to focus on the negative side of stuff, or you can try and look at ways to make every situation positive. It reminds me of the fact that God has a reason for everything and every situation. There have been so many times in my life where I think everything is going wrong, questioning why God is letting things happen, but it always turns out to have happened for some reason, or to show me something. And that's the only thing you can do, because no matter how much you think you know what is best, God always knows(he even knows you better than you know yourself), and everything that happens to us happens for a reason.

"You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining"

The Heart of Life- John Mayer

Viva La Vida

wow, what a long weekend. I am just about sick of driving. I decided to calculate how much driving I did in the past four days, and it came out to around ~700 miles. yeah, and I have to drive to work all week, then I'm going home again this weekend. oh well, that's the way it is i guess.

Anyways, this weekend was pretty fun. I went home thursday after work because I had friday off, and stayed at andy's house on thursday, because that's what I do whenever I go home. on friday I went up to Canton with Jacob, my youngest brother, to visit Jordan and Jess. Jake stayed the night, but I left after dinner to head to Spisak's house for a couple days to chill with a bunch of sweet people.

We were supposed to go boating on saturday, but didn't end up going because the weather was supposed to be really bad. so we just hung out and played some soccer, pool basketball, and regular basketball, and grilled out for lunch and dinner, because the weather ended up being really nice. after that we just chilled for the rest of the night. 

On sunday, they decided to go boating in the morning, but I was going to my brothers church back in Canton so i could pick up jacob/go out to lunch for his birthday. it was cool. It's so weird that my youngest brother is now 13 years old. It's funny because he's still in that semi-awkward stage of his life(middle school), and i tend to forget that I was probably just like him. anyways, I had to drive back to cincinnati after that, which is just a really boring drive overall. I stopped in columbus to drop jake off, but didn't stay very long because I just wanted to get back.

So that was my weekend, and I am beat right now. I really should be in bed at this moment, but decided an update to the blog was in order. I am really excited for this next weekend because of fireworks/birthday celebrations, etc.. I think a more thought provoking update will happen later this week. I really would like to express some thoughts right now, but it's hard enough to just talk about this weekend while I'm this tired.

aaron

"Cause it's a breakdown, where do we go from here?"

So the first week of work is over, and it was pretty good I guess. Things are pretty much the same as when I left, so it wasn't like I was being introduced to anything new. But I am excited because I guess they're going to give me a lot more work this quarter, which should keep me busy, instead of browsing the internet for the majority of the day. 

Anyways, I'm sitting in Rohs Street watching the Red Sox game because our internet isn't working right now, and yes it is a friday night, but pretty much everyone is out of town, so there wasn't much else for me to do besides watch a movie or something, but I would rather watch the Sox. They're wearing the green uniforms tonight in honor of the Celtics winning the NBA title, which is pretty sweet. Speaking of the Red Sox, they were in town this past weekend, and I got to see all three games, which was just awesome after a long week of exams. We lost the first game, but won the next two, and it what made it even more special is that my dad came down for Saturdays game, and we had a great time. It was really cool to get to spend that time with him, since I'm pretty much not going to be home for more than a couple weeks at a time for at least the next couple years. Also, Caleb and Alicia were at Sunday's game which was pretty fun too.

So I don't really have much to say for this post. Usually I have some kind of idea that I want to write about when I make a new post, but there isn't really anything that sticks out to me. Maybe I'll write something sometime soon, but I'm just not feeling it right now.

I hope everyone had a great school year, and are looking forward to your summer. If you're ever in clifton and want to hang out, hit me up, because I probably won't be doing anything. keep it real folks

much love

aaron

"I'm on the up and up..."

Class is over...shouldn't I be more excited? I mean I guess I'm looking forward to working again and making some money or whatever. But it's just now hitting me that I don't have summer anymore. I can't get excited about school being over, because it's not going to be over for another three years. Yeah, I'm really thankful for where I am, because I am in a great program, and my I am not worried too much about my future, because job security is pretty high for me or whatever. But I still miss the fact that I can't go home for the summer. I can't just go to Andy's house on a random night of the week just because. The funny thing is, I've know that this time was coming for the past two years. I feel like I am done being a kid. Instead of doing crazy things this summer, I'll be in an office 40 hours a week...in front of a computer. Sounds like fun, right? I don't know why it's hitting me now, but sometimes I wish I could just get out of here, go travel somewhere, do something more exciting than work. 

I was reading in Philipians 4 this morning, and I came across this verse that really stuck out to me. It was verse 11 where is says, "Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am." It goes on to talk about how no matter what is going on in your life, whether you are prosperous or poor, hungry or filled, having abundance or suffering, "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." It made me ask myself, am I really content with where I am in life? Do I consistently thank God for just giving me life, and new day each day? I find myself always looking at the things that are wrong, or how I wish I had something, or whatever. I don't realize that I am in an amazing place. I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams. God has been good to me, and I tend to take that for granted. So whenever I find myself throwing a pity party, whining about all the stuff going on in life, I need to just step back, and be content with my situation (this doesn't mean being content with my relationship with God, just with the things/circumstances in my life). With Christ's strength, I can be okay with where I am, and what is going on in my life. 

P.S. I just pre-ordered the new Relient K cd, and I got these two free songs, one of which was an acoustic version of "Up and Up". It's funny how these lyrics apply to me SO much right now, considering I've known the song for the past two years.

To be prosperous
Would not require much of me
You see contentment is the one thing it entails
To be content with where I am
And getting where I need to be
I'm moving past the past
Where I have failed

In Repair

So this past week has been full of its ups and downs, and it's starting to take a tole on me. There have been a lot of awesome things that have happened, but there have also been some not so good things. I think I'm just really looking forward to being done with this quarter. 

The weather has been absolutely amazing lately though. As we were driving home from an amazing service at crossroads today, it was awesome to marvel at the wonderful day that was upon us. I'm hoping to go outside and enjoy the weather and play some tennis or something. We'll see I guess.

The one thing about this week though, is that I have really been able to see God working in me, that is, when I'm having rational thoughts, and don't let me emotions get in the way, which cause me to seek out my selfish desires. Over the past month or so, I've been really trying to trust God with everything in my life, and I think that I'm getting better at it. There are just so many things that are out of our hands, and we just need to accept that, and realize that God has it under control. God is good.

P.S. Manny Ramirez hit his 500th career home run last night, finally!

"Sweet Caroline, Ba Ba Ba...."

So I haven't actually updated in a long time, so i figure it was about time. These past couple weeks have been pretty crazy. A lot has changed in how I'm approaching things, and God has really been tugging at my heart concerning a lot of things. It's weird how we think we have things together somewhat, then God is like, "uh, you need to be realize that I'm the one who has control and you need to trust me. Not just in a couple things, but I want you to give me everything, because what I have planned for you is so much better than you can even imagine." Sometimes it's easy to do that, but for the most part, it isn't. At first, the idea of trusting God with everything feels restraining, because naturally we want control. But God really does have my best interests in mind. He knows me better than I know myself. So when something doesn't go my way, I just have to know that maybe God has something better for me in the future(even though I might not feel like it at the moment).

Anyways, only two more weeks of class left, then exams. At the end of exam week, the Red Sox are in town to play the Reds, and I am going to all three games. I am really excited about it. Speaking of the Red Sox, me and my two older brothers Jordan and Caleb are going to Boston in September to see the Sox play in Fenway. That is something I've wanted to do for a while now, and I'm pretty excited about getting to do that. It should be a great time. So after the sox series, I start work that following monday. I'm actually really looking forward to getting back to work. It will be nice to get paid again, and I'm sick of doing school work. I really like working at L-3, they are a great company. I won't be working there next year, but they are definitely a place I could see myself working at in the future. We'll see I guess.

I decided to go home this weekend to hang out with the family and some friends. I wasn't really planning on coming home until monday night, but I'm glad I did. I got to hang out at Andy's house last night with some good friends, and this morning I went golfing with my mom and dad, which was pretty fun. And tomorrow I'm going golfing with Caleb, which will be pretty sweet. 

Well I think I need to actually eat something today so that will be it for me right now. I hope everyone has a great Memorial weekend. Hopefully my next update won't be so far apart next time. keep it real folks.

The Time Has Come

I've known this song for a long time, but for some reason these lyrics stuck out to me...

 

I've found love beyond all reason

You gave Your life, Your all for me

You called me yours forever

Caught in a mercy fallout

Found love, found life, found all I need

Cause You're all I need

Grace

Grace finds beauty in everything.

I Am

I've heard the phrase "dying to yourself" so many times growing up in church, that I often forget that it is so essential to me growing closer with God. He really showed me some things in church today, like how I need to rely on Him a lot more than I do, and that I need to find affirmation in Him. That's the only way I'll ever be truly happy. 

I need to pray more. It's funny how disconnected one can feel when there is a lack of prayer.

I love crossroads. I seriously think that I get something out of every service there.

Spring Break '08!

so i just got back from an amazing week in Gatlinburg,TN with some of my favorite people in the world. I don't feel like talking about it right now, but you should check out the pictures on facebook!

I am so thankful for friends! :)

Consumed

I am so thankful for the situation I am in. I love my church, and I really feel like God put me there for a reason. We've been going through this Consumed series at Crossroads(along with a bunch of other churches), and from the beginning of it, I knew I was going to be challenged. It was pretty easy at first to go through this, because a lot of it had to do with stuff I don't really have a huge problem with.

I hadn't been to church for a couple weeks because of various reasons(dodgeball tourney, white death), so my mind wasn't too focused on this whole thing, even though I knew I should have been more. Today at church though, I felt like (as Evan would so graciously put it) I got pimp-slapped by God. The series is about how our culture tells us that we need stuff all of the time, and that things will make us happy and fulfill us (it's funny how the business world refers to us as "consumers", because it is so true). 

So I'm sitting there, and we get this challenge that deals with time/money, etc., and I am thinking about how I can be better about that. Then my mind automatically goes to this purchase that I was planning on making in the summer, and how I really don't need it at all, and how I am fine with what I have. God was like, "Seriously? You are worrying about paying for school and how that's going to work out, but you want to spend that much money on something you really don't need?" 

There's SO much I could do with that money, and I realized how freakin self-centered I can be. God is okay with us having stuff, we don't have to give everything we own and become poor. But when we start thinking that the money we have is our money because we worked for it, that's when it becomes a problem. Everything we own is God's, and once we realize that, we won't have to be bound by what we own anymore.

God is good. I am very fortunate to be where I am.

Oh America

So I had a very American moment the other day. I was driving to wendys for lunch during work(because I was lazy and didn't feel like packing that morning), and was faced with a dilemma. As I was nearing wendys, I saw subway out of the corner of my eye, and couldn't decide where I wanted to eat. After thinking for about 3 seconds, I said out loud, "Wendy's has a drive through," and then proceeded to wendys. Isn't our country great?

::EDIT::

wisdom

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge,
but fools despise wisdom and discipline."
-Proverbs 1:7

"Slightly bruised and broken, from our head on collision..."

I love rediscovering music. I went through my old ipod and pulled a bunch of music from that to listen to during work, because I was kind of bored of listening to the same stuff I already had. I love how good music doesn't ever get bad. It's still the same amazing stuff that you listened to five years ago.

So this week has gone pretty well I guess. I haven't gotten too much sleep lately though, and that isn't going to change anytime soon. We shot some video on saturday for like 4 hours for key laborers stuff, and I'm pretty excited about how its going to turn out. The only thing is, is that I'm going to be spending all of my free time this week on editing, which means I'll probably be staying up late every night. And I know I won't catch up on sleep this weekend at key laborers. So the next time I will have free time where I can sleep will be next sunday after noon after our basketball game.

Work is going well. I like what I'm doing for the most part, and the people there are great. It's funny though, being on co-op, I thought I would have more free time to do stuff, but since there is so much going on with navs, I find that I don't have nearly as much extra time, which is sort of unfortunate. There is just so much going on, and I love what crossroads is doing with all of their ministries and whatnot, but it's almost impossible to do stuff with them and navs without stretching myself to thin. I thought with extra free time on co-op, i would be able to do stuff, but now I know it would be really difficult. I am still going to try and do some video stuff with crossroads because I love what they do with media, and I know I can learn alot from getting involved with that. We'll see how that goes.

The patriots lost the superbowl, which kind of stinks(yes, I'm about the only person I know besides kyle that is disappointed about that). I guess you can't win them all can you. Oh well, now I'm just looking forward to baseball season.

Hosanna

Since we are surrounded
By such a great cloud of witnesses
Let us run
Let us run with perseverance
The race marked out
Let us make a way
For those who are to come
Those who are to come

Every generation
Every nation
Every tribe
Every tongue
They will sing
They will pray
That the world would sing...

Hosanna

Lazy Saturday

So the past week has been pretty decent. I am actually doing stuff at work, and I'm pretty sure the stuff I'm working on is going to be used pretty often, so that's pretty exciting I guess. It's nice to know that the work you are doing isn't pointless. 

I'm pretty sore right now. Played basketball on thursday for three hours. Then I went skiing last night at Perfect North for four hours(definitely fell flat on my face at one point, but it was cool since I don't think I had wrecked skiing in like 2 years, and it's good to realize that you can still fall). Hence, the lazy saturday to recover.

I started a new book a couple days ago, Blue Like Jazz, by Donald Miller. I've had the book for quite some time now, I think maybe a year or so. I really like it though, and it's a better alternative to playing xbox 360 with my free time before bed. Not to say I'm boycotting xbox, but it's good to feel like I'm actually doing something productive with my time by reading. Hopefully I don't get lazy really quick and stop reading.

Smallgroup was really good on Tuesday. We talked about relationships in general, not just dating. It was a great discussion, and a lot of guys really opened up. It's really cool to see how the group is coming together and getting closer. I'm really excited for what God has planned for the rest of the year. 

Today should be good though. Probably gonna sit around and just chill, and hopefully read a bunch. It's funny how when you are actually interested in the book, it's fun to read. Oh yeah, there's a possibility that I will be starting to help out with video stuff at Crossroads this weekend. I am pretty pumped, it should be sweet.