All I know, is I find rest in You...

This is pretty much how I've been feeling lately, so the following might seem like rambling(which it might be). So if you don't care to read it, I understand, but if you relate at all to what I'm talking about, let me know!

So lately I've been having a hard time trusting Gods timing and will. I like to think that I'm doing what god wants for my life, and I feel like I am for a lot of it, but there are so many things that I seem to be very stubborn about. At church last week, they talked about how we like to bend the truth to our lives rather than bending our lives to the truth. And I think in a lot of ways I like to do that with Gods will. Why can't I just trust god with everything? Its so frustrating because when things go wrong I get so mad and question god about why something happened. I mean, that is just dumb, because usually it has to do with me making a selfish decision which leads to the situation crumbling down around me. Then there is the situation where something happens that is out of my control, and I get mad at God for letting it happen, but in the end its always for the best (hindsight is 20-20 huh?). The problem is that I like to try and change the situation because once again I am selfish and like things my way. Unfortunately that is where I usually get hurt because I put myself in situations where I am bound to get hurt. God has perfect timing and a reason for everything. I just wish that I would realize that more often before I go and get my hopes up about something and get myself hurt. I mean, I look at so many guys at navs and think," Man, they really have it together and they trust God with what's going on in their lives." Now I know that they all have different things going on in their lives and you can't judge a book by its cover, but I desperately want to be able to say," Yeah I'm single right now, and that's the way God wants it, and I'm cool with it. I know God has greater plans for me in school, and whatever he has planned for me, I'm ready for and willing to stretch myself for it." Now that's really easy to say, but the majority of the time, I don't think I could honestly say that. I think it's really easy to be aware of what's going on and to have a head knowledge of the situation, but not believe it or feel it in your heart.

I'm also really not a big fan of regret, because I feel like every mistake you make is something you are supposed to learn from rather than regret it. But man, there have been times (some recently) where I am just like "what the heck was I thinking?" I put myself in these situations where I am bound to fail/get myself hurt, and I end up regretting my decisions, but I really should just try and learn from my mistakes. 

At navs a couple weeks ago when Charly was speaking, he had this verse on the handout. I wrote down the reference because I really liked it, but kind of forgot about it until I stumbled upon it tonight. It is just a really comforting thought that no matter what is going on in your life, God is always there for you, because he loves you so much. This helps me out with all of the stuff I rambled about above, because I know whatever I do, God still desires to be with me. I'll leave you with the verse.

"But now, this is what the LORD says-

he who created you, O Jacob,

he who formed you, O Israel:

'Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the LORD, your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

I give Egypt for your ransom,

Cush and Seba in your stead."

Isaiah 43:1-3